Cardi Spelling Bee
Baba’s House
Oakland
Jan. 24, 2024
After all these years, I still recall it like it was yesterday: Dan Mini Elementary School. Fourth grade. I’m on the auditorium stage, in the final round of the schoolwide spelling bee. I can feel the few hundred students holding their breath as I’m given the final word to win the spelling crown. And it just happens to be the one word my older brother specifically taught me to pay attention to—rendezvous. I smile under my breath, repeat the word, and slowly spell out the letters.
“That is… correct!”
The audience erupts in cheers. I think they’re as surprised as I am at how thrilling this spelling bee turns out to be. That afternoon, I walk the halls with my trophy as my classmates point to me in awe.
It was with this fond memory in mind that I walked into the tiny upstairs space at Baba’s House for their monthly event, the “Cardi Spelling Bee.” But this definitely isn’t like the competition I remember. It’s more along the lines of — to paraphrase the rapper herself—You in the club just to spell. I’m there, I get paid a fee.
The community event space-slash-Asian snack shop aims to offer “events that uplift our AAPI/BIPOC and creative community,” but maybe not specifically for people like me to relive past glories, and maybe with a more adult-oriented theme. Baba’s injects a sense of fun and whimsy into their events, with everything from karaoke jams to DJ nights to mahjong games. Though I don’t know anyone else, I showed up feeling the nighttime vibe, ready for a good time.
There were a couple dozen audience members, with a handful of spellers paying $10 to compete for the $60 pot. The affable emcee had us start off by introducing ourselves to a stranger and learning how to spell their name. The lights were set low, more reminiscent of a DJ night than any serious competition. And, soju shots for eliminated contestants.
There were other unique features of the “Cardi Spelling Bee”: Contestants can ask the emcee to define the word, to have it used in a sentence, or to have it used in a “spicy sentence.” As the competition got underway, every round seemed like an excuse to ask, “Can you please use that in a spicy sentence?” It seems self-evident to note that every spicy sentence came with sexual connotations.
To wit:
For the word tuba: I serenaded your mom with a tuba.
For the word lucky: I got lucky with your cousin.
“I’m running out of relatives here,” the emcee remarked after his fifth “spicy sentence.”
Starting out at first grade-level words, then ramping up a grade for each round, the focus was more on whooping and oohing and ahhing at each word spelled. The emcee was briefly stumped at thinking up a spicy sentence for the word nimble, but finally came up with an example that, let’s just say, involves the gluteal region. The spicy sentence for the word eerily involved ghosts and coital acts. You get the picture.
Spellers started to drop out at the eighth and ninth-grade level words, with dispel and gibbous finally doing in some of the last contestants. The laughter and good vibes ramped up with each round. Audience commentary was encouraged, with some members joking at the difficulty of these elementary-school words they hadn’t heard before. (Having lost in the county spelling bee, with the word abstention, I’m all-too-familiar with these challenges.)
The final round. With words like eleemosynary and desiccate, the audience seemed as focused on the spelling as the spicy sentencing. The soju shots flowed freely, and respect was given for correctly spelled words. Each success was met with raucous applause.
An hour later, the last word was spelled, and the emcee paused dramatically before announcing, “That is… correct!” The winning word? Esplanade. The final winner, who turned out to be a three-time champion, celebrated with a drink and a smile as big as my fourth-grade win. Though I didn’t participate this night, I felt confident in my ability to be the hottest speller in the street. I’m already plotting my next visit with friends, and my later-in-life return to former glories.
