We’ve already established that dating in Tulsa has its unique challenges. Maybe that’s why 20-ish people between the approximate ages of 25 and 40 showed up for CallMeCupid’s LGBTQ+ speed dating and matchmaking event at Good Cause Brewing last Friday.
Dani Roper founded CallMeCupid Tulsa a few months ago because, as she says, people are tired of dating apps. She wants to make dating fun again. This project combines her background in event planning with intentional matchmaking.
The bar seating was nearly full when I arrived, and the empty chairs along the perimeter of the taproom were filling up. It was still quiet for a bar, though, and I was too nervous to talk to anyone before the official start time. That familiar brewery smell—yeasty, a little cloying—lingered in the air. I ordered a blood orange seltzer and tried to guess who else was here to speed date for the first time. A rainbow Pride flag with the words “ABIDE NO HATRED” hung on a wall inside.
Cory Ross, the night’s host, had a gift for getting a room's attention. After telling us how to sign in, he laid down some ground rules: Be kind to one another, try not to talk about politics, and do not swap contact information during the dates. I scribbled "Kathryn" and "she/her" on a name tag and wondered what exactly I’d signed up for.
To loosen us up, Ross asked a series of icebreaker questions, like:
Is it OK to judge someone solely on their taste in music?
Have you ever ghosted someone?
Is flirting cheating?
The activity happened debate-club style: If you disagree, move to the left side of the room. Scoot right if you agree. The room divided fairly evenly on most of these, which felt oddly reassuring.
Then came a “flex line dancing” lesson. According to Ross, if you’ve been to Club Majestic recently, you've probably done this modern, expressive twist on traditional line dancing. The song lyrics tell you exactly what to do: Slide to the right, slide to the left, right foot, left foot, then turn with it. You add a little drama at the end; that’s the flex part. I was thoroughly out of my comfort zone during this lesson, which was probably the point.
I was then given a piece of paper with five names on it. These were my seven-minute dates for the night. Like the other attendees, I’d filled out an extensive pre-date questionnaire before the event with questions like “Do you smoke?” and “What best describes your sense of humor?” plus hypothetical scenarios. Roper’s original plan was to have AI analyze everyone’s responses and generate matches, but the algorithm glitched, forcing Roper to pair people up manually, which I don’t think is a bad thing.
“I always wanted the human touch to be part of it,” she said. Human intuition seems essential here.
Each table was pre-stocked with conversation prompts, a mix of heavy and light questions that were nice to rely on during a conversation lull. One asked, “Explain the last two pictures on your phone." Often, the conversation flowed naturally, without the need for prompts. It was easy to start with the basics, like “What kind of relationship are you looking for?” and “What are your dating dealbreakers?”
There’s something kind of magical about the structure of speed dating. You know exactly how long you’ve got. No awkward guesswork about when to end the conversation. Just a handful of minutes to make a first impression, maintain eye contact, and maybe share a vulnerable moment with a stranger.
At the end of the night, we wrote down the people we were interested in getting to know better. If that interest is mutual, CallMeCupid sends both people an email with the other’s contact information.
How does Roper measure success? “It can be measured with data, obviously,” she said. “Fourteen out of 21 people made a match that night. That's amazing.” But beyond noticing the numbers, she was watching the room. "People were actually participating, not just on their phones the whole time.”
I’ve been on and off apps like Tinder for years, and I’ve wasted hours doom-swiping with nothing to show for it other than some very questionable matches. But speed dating is awkward in a different, more honest way. Here, you’re sitting across from another human who signed up for the same thing. There's a shared vulnerability in that.
Did I find love at Good Cause Brewing that Friday night? That's not really the point. But I did find proof that there are other people in this city looking for the same things I am, willing to be vulnerable for a few minutes at a time. I didn’t anticipate finding the perfect match that night, but I shaved my legs and clipped my nails just in case.
Roper has more matchmaking plans in the works. Keep an eye out for a karaoke dance night edition and dating events specifically for older adults and neurodivergent folks.
