Bowlero Lanes & Lounge
4209 Coolidge Hwy.
Royal Oak, Mich.
Saturday, Feb. 15
Here’s a helpful guide of things you need to know if you find yourself as the DJ at a bowling alley.
It’s different from working the counter at one, like I used to. Have you ever had a size 12 bowling shoe thrown at your face while the security guard looks on indifferently? It’s a thrill.
I was a terrible bartender, but a great bowling counter guy. I cut my teeth at the Garden Bowl, the oldest bowling alley in North America. It's become a running joke in Detroit that you're no one in this town until you've been fired from there. And yes, I was fired, so maybe I'm an unreliable narrator RE: "great bowling counter guy."
The owners of Garden Bowl have expanded to Bowlero Lanes & Lounge in Royal Oak, a nearby suburb. They've turned it into a retro hot spot with a loving renovation. It's a miracle that it wasn't turned into condos or a strip mall expansion, as so many have. Detroit used to be considered one of the bowling capitals of the world, and according to a story in the Detroit Free Press last year, still boasts some credibility in that lane. There's over 200 throughout the state, but Detroit doesn't have nearly as many as it did back in the day when the auto industry allowed the blue-collar sport to be the #1 choice of workers clocking out of the plant and heading out for a beer and a game.
All this reflection came washing over me during a recent DJ gig at Bowlero, which hosts a rotating cast of vinyl-only DJs throughout the week.
Things have changed for me, for Detroit and for the suburbs since those bowling glory days years ago. Let’s start here. You can no longer have a cigarette dangling from your mouth while inside the bowling alley.
It looked cool, but maybe you had to be there. I was there, a baby-faced Marlboro man dishing out lanes, socks and shoes. Now I look like someone who has been smoking since they were baby-faced, and anyone still smoking analog cigarettes looks like a leper lurking outside the building. Which, in this case, is the wonderfully retro Bowlero Lanes & Lounge in Royal Oak, a suburb of Detroit.
That reminds me! This is a bowling alley, so don’t take yourself too seriously on the turntables and do take requests from customers.
“Can you play some Eminem?” [I would imagine this is a wonderfully regional request.]
“Can you play some Bob Seger?” [This one definitely is a local delicacy.]
“Can you say ‘happy birthday’ to Barbara on lane 6?”
“You’re damn straight I can,” I say back, pointing to the tip jar. I need cigarette money.
A variety of music is key, but sometimes you end up playing for the few people that seem to be really vibing with you. You see some heads out there bopping? Some dance moves being thrown around in front of the lanes? You’ve just become their personal DJ.
Ask the security guards what they like. Play to the staff, too. They are your greatest allies.
It kills me that I’ve been told some of the DJs that play here won’t break their “set” for requests, or just to generally read the room. This is a bowling alley, pal.
The beer is flowing! The balls are rolling! The pins are dropping!
If you’re taking yourself too seriously here, there may not be hope for you.
Use your drink tickets but still tip the bar staff. You are not above this as a bowling alley DJ. You are not above this ever. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again -- it’s 20% minimum. Do the math. And if you’re arguing with me in your head while reading this, become a person who hasn’t built their identity around explaining why they don’t tip. No one is charmed.
The advice for a bowling alley DJ is maybe just sound advice for life in general, even after the cigarette smoke has cleared and everything has gotten a bit more expensive.
So, have a beer, have a ball and don’t overthink it next time you hit the lanes.
