Aleeza Ben Shalom
Beth Sholom Congregation
Elkins Park
May 20, 2024
When streaming star and professional matchmaker Aleeza Ben Shalom asked our synagogue’s cantor about what he’s looking for in a partner, he didn’t stumble: She’s gotta love Pavarotti, accept that his weekends are booked at shul, and be a committed Zionist.
That exchange was part of a live matchmaking exercise organized by Ben Shalom during a fundraiser held Sunday at my synagogue, Beth Sholom Congregation in Elkins Park. It was our congregation’s chance to see the Netflix star, whose warm and realistic advice is the centerpiece of Jewish Matchmaking, up close and personal. Netflix produced that show as a follow up to its successful Indian Matchmaking series, both of which I’ve watched in full.
While Shalom’s prepared remarks felt a bit self-promotional, the event ultimately transitioned into an active Q&A and matchmaking simulation. Those activities switched the spotlight from Ben Shalom’s individual talent towards the importance of community, concluding that while not everyone has the talent of a couple’s counselor, “everyone is a matchmaker.”
She proved her point, at least in theory, by bringing two volunteers looking for love up to the stage.
One was the 32-year-old cantor of the synagogue looking for marriage and family. The other was a 67-year-old widow looking for a companion with whom she could share her active lifestyle.
After a brief interview about their priorities and preferences, Ben Shalom asked how many crowd members had potential matches in mind for either volunteer. At least 20 audience members raised their hands.
Ben Shalom revealed that HBO cast the Netflix show, and those featured on television did not come from or necessarily represent her typical client list. Nonetheless, she is proud that the show highlights the wide range of Jewish observance, from purely secular to ultra-Orthodox.
Ben Shalom’s in-person talking tour, as opposed to her on-screen show performance, ironically ended up teaching me more about the personal values of my immediate neighbors whom I otherwise know well through synagogue. I was struck by the fact that both the cantor and the widowed companion searcher (friends whose names I’m not including in this article) listed “love of Israel” as a necessity when choosing a life partner.
Until that moment, it honestly hadn’t occurred to me that that would be a criteria in this day and age of Jewish dating. When I was dating, it was important to me to find a life partner who shared my commitment to carrying on our ancient traditions by raising Jewish kids. I would have said I wanted a partner who would role model compassion and fairness for our offspring. So the idea of prioritizing Zionism in partnership felt foreign to me.
That said, one audience member asked Ben Shalom point-blank how Oct. 7 affected her work.
The answer? Business is booming.
Ben Shalom speculated that times of turmoil drive people to focus on the goals that are most meaningful to them. That might cause more individuals to search out a kind of partnership to provide them with love, acceptance and connection.
It could also be that Jews believe that dating other Jews will provide a sense of safety in a world that feels increasingly hostile towards them — or, that it could provide a buffer between hearing other perspectives they don’t want to hear. I don’t pretend to know the answers. And I don’t necessarily judge those individual motivations as right or wrong. They’re human.
Ben Shalom herself declared that wars have come and gone, borders change, but the Jewish people always find ways to be resilient. However, if you don’t have Jewish matches, she said, “you will not have a Jewish future.”
The question of a Jewish future is certainly complicated by the ongoing war, no matter how you view it. But beyond the loaded questions, Ben Shalom’s return from Netflix to her native Philadelphia ultimately reminded us at home of a more immediate point. When looking for answers, and for a sense of care, it is to our respective communities that we may at first turn. But as the world becomes more divided and tumultuous, the question of what we are really searching for can only become more difficult to answer — for everyone involved.
NEXT:
Ben Shalom’s next East Coast event is a stand-up night in New York. See what else she’s up to here.
